Don't Get Mad

"Don't get mad, get successful. Success is the best revenge"

A few weeks ago I got so angry I physically started to shake. My heart raced so fast I felt like Usain Bolt stole my Mulberry and I was trying to catch him! Why I hear you ask? Because someone who had been pressing my buttons for a long time, told me to shut up - publicly. Now I'm not a violent person but at that very moment I wanted to exercise what I'm told looks like a mean right hook. Luckily I didn't.

I didn't even argue back. Oh I replied, but I didn't argue. Over the years, much to certain people's annoyance, I have come to understand the futility of arguing (particularly with very stubborn people). Instead I fained composure and calm, put my objection across and went for a walk whilst fighting back those tears you get when you're about to loose control. I came back when I could pick up a pen without looking like I had Parkinson's.

On further reflection of the situation, it amazed me what could bring outsuch emotion in me. For a couple of months a person I know has messed with my money and my mind yet I haven't had the same reaction. To explain why would require far more detail than I feel comfortable giving, have the time to write or you to read so we'll leave it at that. But my unpleasant experiences of the past few months have caused me to look at myself and my reactions to certain situations to ascertain whether they were appropriate, over or underwhelming.

I'm pretty good at masking how I really feel or think when I want to but one thing that is bound to evoke visible emotion in me is when people unjustly persecute or upset those close to me. I've watched one of my friends hold on to the love she has for the boy she thought she'd marry, for two years. Irrespective of what friends or family suggest, she hasn't moved on. Quite recently the best friend of said boy assured her that he still loves her which sparked renewed hope. But, hope is both a powerful and destructive emotion to have because it made the pain more acute when said object of her affection looked her in the eyes and said, "I feel no way about you".

Had I put her head in a bowl and left her for a few hours she may well have drowned in her own tears. It broke me heart. I didn't patronise her and tell her to get over it, nor did I say it would be OK because I couldn't promise that. I did tell her that I would be there for her and while I could not be to her what she wanted him to be, I would do everything in my power to make it better.

The final nail in the coffin came when he mentioned the new girl he was seeing (who he still claims is not his gf). I think she was about ready to kill him or herself, but as I reminded her, he wasn't worth the jail time or worth putting her family and friends through that sort of heartache. I shared with her what my father had told me years ago when I was pining for a lost love - "you weren't born with the person so not matter how much of an extension of you, you believe them to be, you can and will survive without them. It just takes time."

Anyway, back to my original point, I am all too aware that a number of things (and people) will try your patience and seek to upset your sense of calm. In some respects I actually think it's healthy because such tests are character building. However, unnecessarily flying off the handle when faced with silly people isnt't beneficial to anyone, least of all yourself. Similarly, I think we often fail to realise the impact of our words and actions on others.

The person who annoyed me eventually started to interact normally with me again (without making a formal apology might I add) and whilst I'm civil and even friendly at times, things will never be the same. Not because I hold on to malice, but because forgetting when you forgive leaves you susceptible to end up in the same situation. Thus, I have forgiven, but I haven't forgotten.

When was the last time you lost your cool? Or comforted someone who was falling apart?

 

P.S. To those of you who enjoyed the extract from my Thai journal that a shared a few posts ago, I guest blogged on The Thailand Life (a cool blog about the real side of Thailand people often don't tell you about) so please read it here and share with friends, family and anyone else you care to.

 

xx