Great Expectations

I wrote the piece in the picture above whilst thinking about what to write for this post. Lately, the question I seem to be asked the most frequently, apart from "why don't you have a boyfriend/fiance" or "when are you getting married", is "what do you plan to do with you life now?" Err...what?! I find this question utterly frustrating and often feel like replying with: "why don't you just wait and see!"

The quickest way to kill a dream or ensure that it may well never come to pass is to tell someone about it. Granted, this isn't always true and often, sharing our goals or future plans with someone may well spurn you to get the job done even when you feel like quitting because I noticed that our fear of others perceiving us as a failure, is greater than that of viewing ourselves as such. Strange but understandable.

I'm tired of being asked about my future plans because quite frankly, I DON'T KNOW. That isn't to say that I have no idea what I want - that isn't the case. I do know and I'm just in the process of formulating a plan of action to implement to get me there - wherever there is. The funny thing is, I'm never asked this question by anyone close to me. It's always posed by nosey concerned distant relatives/family friends or here-today-gone-tomorrow 'friends' who, by the very nature of asking me such a question, prove that they don't know me well at all!

What I do know is that I will succeed. Full stop. No if, buts or maybes. I'm very driven and when I set my mind to something, it usually comes to pass. If it doesn't then I take what I can from the situation in the way of life lessons and move on. "Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it." And one of the things I cannot abide is time wasting because it's something that cannot be replaced. People shouldn't waste my (or their time) time asking pointless questions.

As annoyed as I get when asked the aforementioned, I try to remain (outwardly) calm and reel off the generic answer I formulated in order to keep inquisitive minds satisfied. There are so many things that I want to do in my life that aren't limited to being married off and then finally putting my womb to use! Yes a family of my own is up there on my goal list, but prior to that, I will accomplish a lot.

From a very young age there have been a number of expectations of me. Failure isn't an option in my family because I have seen first hand what it means to work hard and succeed against all odds whilst laughing in the face of adversity. For a long time I was striving to live up to these expectations for all of the wrong reasons i.e. to make family happy or simply to conform. But, as soon as I stopped having that mentality, and started living for me, I became a lot happier.

Some of my friends find my recently acquired sunny disposition a little unsettling. But those who have known me pre The Lost Years University, know that the shift in my attitude is merely a return to what was once the norm. I smile all the time and 'smiling sweetly' has been my mantra for quite some time. When I'm angry, I smile (well...not all the time but most of the time). When someone p*sses me off, I smile. When I'm nervous, I smile. And when I'm happy, I smile. Why? Because frowning will do nothing but give me premature worry lines and by smiling, eventually my internal mood adjusts to suit my face.

So, to those who are concerned for my well being, I appreciate it greatly but instead of asking for updates, why not just watch this space? I don't usually tend to volunteer information (except on this blog) so when asked awkward questions they're usually met with cagey responses. The next time you get the urge to interrogate someone about their relationship status, future plans etc, stop and think how it has or would make you feel if asked the same when you haven't reached your destination. Or maybe I'm just being hyper-sensitive?

How does it make you feel?

P.S. Although it was a few days ago, I want to wish Nigeria a happy 50th Independence. Yes we've come a long way, but we still have an incredible distance to travel. I'm not sure if we'll get there in my lifetime, but I sincerely hope so.

Also, October is Black History Month. As nice as it is that we have a month dedicated to black history, it saddens me that so many of us (not just limited to black people) know little or nothing about the real history of our people - myself included - as opposed to what's fed to us by the media. I hope to change that by reading more about it and hope others do the same. I reiterate: "Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it."